secrets
by nikalex
Summary: What if Alex knew something about Amanda that none else did? What if Amanda cared about Alex and knew a secret of hers that none else did, neither Nikita? How these secrets and this strange connection between them are going to affect the team? Will Nikita understand Alex attitude or she is going to push her closer to Amanda? it's my first story and i will appreciate your reiews he
1. damaged relationship

This is supposed to happen at the ending of 3x15 episode. Before I start you need to know that during her time with Amanda, Alex wasn't tortured or pumped full of drugs, you will see later what happened and that Amanda did care about Alex.

i don't own neither the show nor its character

What if Alex knew something about Amanda that none else did? What if Amanda cared about Alex and knew a secret of hers that none else did, neither Nikita? How these secrets and this strange connection between them are going to affect the team? Will Nikita understand Alex attitude or she is going to push her closer to Amanda?

"it looks like this is a crisis averted" said Ryan to the two women standing in front of him with a relief tone. "it was agood choice Nikita" he added. "wasn't exactly my idea" Nikita applied. " Percy…." Ryan completed her thought. "he was concerned about protecting division from outside forces that he completely missed the real threat. The one from within. Now hearing you guys arguing last night it reminded me of that conversation. Division can survive a lot but not a war between the two of you" he said and left the room closing the door behind him so that the two girls can discuss about their damaged relationship.

"Ryan's wrong. This was never about you and me" Alex whispered.

Nikita turned to face her best friend and her anger was shown on her face. "then what was it about? You have been fighting me so hard! Tell me did you get you wanted?" said with pain.

"I wanted you to listen" Alex replied. "to open your eyes to the mistakes we have been making"

"And who open your eyes Alex? Was that something that Amanda did for you?"

Alex scoffed and replied to her mentor "Because why else would I disagree with you? It can't be possibly be that a valid point of view. Amanda must have done something" "someone did something" nikita said softly. "you are right Nikita someone did something. You did something when you started to accept kill missions again. You did something when you started turn into a new Amanda. What is next Nikita? Cancellations?" Alex replied honestly and stared at Nikita's eyes. Nikita was standing motionless and looked back to her friend being in pain. It hurts her too much to see Alex accused her for turning into Amanda. She couldn't say anything. She felt powerless.

"Nikita I love you too much to let you turn into something that you hate. You shot me once in order to protect me. If I can't help you by being your friend, then maybe I must try an other way. If destroying our relationship makes you see cleaner then this is what I have to do. It hurts me more than you could imagine, Nikita." Alex said in a caring way and left a tear to fell down to her cheek. Nikita didn't have the opportunity to reply because the door opened and Birkoff entered the room.

" Amanda wants to chat" he announced and look to his friends. "girls are you alright" asked with anxiety. "yes" Nikita applied and stared at Alex face."We are fine. Let's chat with Amanda". The three of them exited the room and headed to ops.

"Put her through" Ryan ordered and looked to Alex and Nikita worrying about their unexpressed faces. " hi division. How are you? Alex nice to see your face again" Amanda said from the video. " Amanda what do you want this time" Nikita said with hate in her voice.

"To be honest I just wanted to have a little chat with Alex, if that is alright with you" Amanda ironically answered. " Have you missed me already Amanda?" Alex asked and looked into Amanda's eyes. " Alex. Have you told them?" Amanda asked. Alex didn't respond. " I will take your silence for no" Amanda said. "Does Nikita know your secret, Alex or you didn't trust her enough to share it with her?" Nikita stared at Alex with a worried look. Everyone were staring at Alex. What was Alex's secret that she didn't confide to anyone? Why Amanda knew about it?


	2. what the hell was that?

"Amanda stop it!" Alex pleased. "what do you want this time? just get to the point"

"Ok Alex. as you wish. just let me ask one more thing. Do you tell them about my secret? or you kept that for yourself, too?"

"Amanda, i think that you know the answer to your question. I give you my word and I always keep my word. I told you that I will take my time before I tell them and that is what I plan to do. You said to keep it secret for at least 7 days and I promised you that I will keep it for at least 7 days. Now, get to the point."

" I got your result back. You were right. Thank you for trusting me. I would regret it if I had you drugged. But I am surprised that you haven't shared it with Nikita yet. You told me but you didn't tell it to your mentor, to your big sister? what's wrong with you two anyway?"

Nikita looked really angry. she couldn't believe it. Alex had trusted Amanda with her secret. she had kept her out of that. She was losing her little sister, her baby girl. She was in such pain and she had to remain calm, she had to hold her tears back.

"i guess that you really enjoy seeing people getting hurt" Alex noticed while she stared at Nikita trying to apologize with her eyes. " I didn't trust you with my secret ,Amanda, I took my chances. I needed to remain clean and you were the one with the drugs, I had to make my mind and take a decision. I told you and you didn't let me down and I thank you for that. And there is nothing wrong here, you don't have to look for your little scratchs on the surface because you are not going to find any. I haven't told Nikita about it because I was too busy trying to deal with your mess,Amanda. I trust Nikita and I always trust her. Are you going to tell us what you want or this was a social call?"

" I want a favour Alex. Hae you confirmed my story or you need more time? I don't expect you to accept the truth easily. I know that it's painful for you but you had to know."

" Amanda I did my research don't worry and I don't need time. Your story was confirmed but this doesn't change anything. I will always choose Nikita over you. Always and ever doubt for that. "

" I know Nikita means a lot to you. I get it. I just want a second chance with you, Alex, to make things right"

"Then stop trying to hurt the people I love the most" Alex shoutted at Amanda.

" Fine. Give me a reason to do so. Meet me face to face. I will pass you your medical results and we can talk about everything" Amanda suggested.

inside the operation room noone can talk. there was only silence. everyone looked surprisily at Amanda picture except from Nikita and Alex. the two women looked at each other.

Nikita was the one who broke the silence. "How do we know that this is not a trap for yours Amanda? How do we know that you are not going to hurt Alex once again?"

Amanda smiled at Nikita. " I guess that you don't, you would have to trust me. But Alex will know because mmmm she knows my secret and because we are going to meet in our place. But if you are so worried abut her Nikita, you are more than welcomed to join us, if that is okay with Alex"

"heey. Nikita of course and you can come if you want to" alex said turning her face to find hers mentor one. "Amanda when?"

"in an hour. see you there guys" amanda applied quickly and she switched off her camera.

Alex walk quickly out of operation room and headed to her room in order to take her gun. She knew that Amanda won't try anything stupid but it couldn't be sure. She had to take precautions. Nikita after a while standing in the operation room trying to understand what had happened, ran after Alex and she caught in the armory.

"what the hell was all that about, Alex?" shouted angrily. " She knows one of your secrets? Amanda knows something that none else does and you are not worried about it? the truth is too painful ? What is her secret? yours place? you have a place with Amanda? you will choose me over her? what is going on? or this was a "destroying our relationship in order to save you" plan? ALEEEEX just talk to me!" Nikita was so angry and worried that she started shake alex's hand and turn her violently so that she can face her.

Alex was in shock. She has never seen before nikita so mad at her looking for the truth so desperately. she decided to leave her gun n the table and hugged nikita trying to make her feel more comfortable.

"relax nikita" Alex whispered in nikita's ear. "I got you. Everything is going to be just fine. I will explain everything to you, everything. But you need to give me some time, please Nikita, I can't even admit to myself my secret and certainly not amanda's secret. It's too painful to handle these when I think that I lose you Nikita. And of course I will always choose you over Amanda, over me, over anything. I love you too much. But if I have a chance to make Amanda stop this war and make you safe again I will take it. She wants a second chance, I want you and everyone else to be safe. So now please let's go meet Amanda and try to make a truce with her and then I will try to explain you everything." Alex hugged Nikita with all of her power and kissed her softly in her cheek. She noticed that Nikita had left some tears to fall down and used her hand to wipe them. "Just rememeber Nikita that I care too much about you. No matter what you are going to see or hear, just remember that I love you".

the two women packed quickly their staff and started their way to the meeting point...


	3. please don't say goodbye

Nikita and Alex in the car...

"So where is this place?... Amanda's and yours place, really?" Nikita asked her younger partner trying not to show the pain in her voice..her best friend had a secret place with her worst enemy, that was too painful for her...

"Not far from here. You will see." Alex replied and took a deep breath before she started the engine of the car and drove to her secret place.

Alex was so worried... how does she suppose to react around Amanda now? what Nikita is going to say? Is she going to forgive her or she is going to turn her back to her when she learns the truth? she had to tell her something, she had to tell her that she loves no matter what, that she is her big sister, that she is always going to choose her over Amanda, over herself, over anyone. she needed to tell her that in case that everything go wrong.

"Nikita", Alex whispered trying to remain calm, " No matter what you are gonna to learn from Amanda out there, I need you to know that I care too much for you, I love you and I will give everything in order to keep you safe and happy. YOU are my FAMILY. You save me not only that night when you rescued me from division, neither when you got me clean,nor every single time that you saved my ass in the field. You saved from everything when you found me, when you gave me a family, the best family I could ever imagine. Don't ever forget that. Don't ever forget that I love you. I will never betray you no matter what. You are my family".

Alex kept driving but now she was more relaxed. She had said to Nikita what she needed, now it was up to her..

"Alex? what are you talking about? what's wrong? you scare me and i am really confused today. you fight me, you love, you say goodbye to me. Alex, talk to me please. I know that the things between us aren't really good right now, but you can talk to me. Don't push me away Alex, please! I don't want to lose you again, I don't want to lose my little sister, my best friend, I love you and i thin that you hae just said goodbye to me" Nikita replied with a shaking voice and really anxious.

"I haven't told you goodbye Nikky, I have just asked you not to say goodbye to me when this meeting is over" Alex said softly while she pulled over the car.

"here we are. the meeting is right there. on the beach. this is our place" alex said and stepped out of the car and headed to the beach.

Nikita followed her. But then she stopped and grabbed Alex's hand turning her so that she could see her face. "I am not leaving you Alex. No matter what I am gonna learn out there from Amanda, I am not letting you go. You are stuck with me forever. FOREVER baby girl. I am not giving up on us and you can't get rid of me so easy."

Nikita stared at the blue eyes before her, so that that Alex can see that she is telling the truth and then hugged her.

"Now let's chat with Amanda. I really want to know what are these medical results of yours" said in a sarcastic way and smile...


	4. I will make you pay

The two ladies walked forward to the beach, where a female figure was standing staring at the ocean. Suddenly, two heavily armed teams surrounded them and pointed their guns at Nikita. She made a move to pull out her own gun and start a fight, but Alex stopped her and placed herself in front of her mentor so that the guns now pointed at her instead.

"Amanda. Tell your dogs to lower their weapons," she said, emotionless and fearless.

"Let's negotiate about that, Alex. They'll lower their guns if you stop calling me Amanda and start calling me as you must. Plus, you keep your dog on a leash so that I can hug you without her threatening me. Do we have a deal?"Amanda said, turning to face the girl.

"She isn't my dog, Amanda! And you don't have to worry about her reaction. No one is going to die here, neither you nor her. Now guns down please. If you honor our deal, I will honor it, too," the young Russian replied.

"Lower your guns and give us some space. NOW!"Amanda shouted to her followers. They obeyed her instantly. Amanda walked towards the two girls and hugged Alex with a feeling of relief.

Nikita wanted to vomit when she saw it. She just wanted to kill Amanda right there, right now, but she knew that she couldn't do it without losing Alex. And she had promised her that she was not going to do anything stupid.

"Now it's your turn, Alex. Say it out loud," Amanda ordered with pleasure. She knew that she was going to hurt Nikita one more time and she was glad about that.

Alex turned to Nikita and gave her an apologetic look. Then she whispered, still staring at Nikita, "Tиа, how are you?"

Nikita opened her eyes in surprise. Did Alex just call Amanda 'aunt'?

"Oh I am fine my darling. Just a little surprised that you brought Nikita with you to this place. I'm quite disappointed."

"I didn't bring her with me, Amanda. Sorry, I mean aunt. She didn't want me to be around you unprotected and she took the place of my bodyguard. I didn't try to change her mind because I know I would have failed," Alex said.

"Then I guess that she doesn't know what this place means to you. Nikita? Do you know why this is our place?"Amanda asked, softly enjoying to see Nikita worry.

"Well let me inform you…" Amanda started, just when Alex shouted "Stop it! Stop trying to hurt her!"

"It's not your choice to make Alex. We should ask Nikita if she wants to know. I think that that is fair enough. So Nikita, do you want to know the history of this place? I have to warn you, the truth will hurt," Amanda said and smiled widely.

Nikita was really confused. This meeting was crazy. Amanda was a relative of Alex. The history of this place could hurt her. She couldn't let Amanda get inside her mind, she couldn't let her win.

"Just spit it out, Amanda, " Nikita answered, keeping her voice windfall stable.

"It is the place of your betrayal, Nikita. When you had shot Alex, she was acting strange. She didn't talk to anyone. She was only training and fighting. I was really worried about her. You were her entire world but you lied to her, you destroyed everything she had, you betrayed her trust and you shot her. You caused her unbelievable pain. No one could approach her. She was full of anger and pain but she didn't let anyone in to help her face her feelings. One day we had a fight, we argued over you. I wanted you dead but Alex refused to take the kill mission, actually she threatened that she would put a bullet through my skull if I ordered your death. I was shocked. You had caused her so much pain and still she was protecting you. That day, when she left Division, I followed her here. She was sitting down, staring at the ocean, trying to handle her tears. I sat down near her and I told her that she had to let it go. When she didn't reply, I offered her an exit that she didn't take. I offered her drugs."

"You did what?" Nikita yelled in shock.

"Don't worry Nikita, she didn't have any. She took the bottle and threw it into the ocean. I looked at her, surprised. She was the strongest person I have ever met. I told her that the two of us had something in common: we had both been betrayed by you. I told her I could help her. The answer she gave me was really unexpected, though. She told me we were completely different persons and there was nothing I could do to help her. She said _'You choose to hate and look for revenge, I choose to love and forgive. I'm not here because I can't handle my feelings, Amanda. I'm here because I can't handle my worry for her. I can't forget what she did to me and my family but that doesn't change anything. I will always care about her, I will always love her and I will always protect her with my life. You and I have nothing in common, like it or not. I will get you that black-box but don't you ever think of killing her'._Then, your Russian friend left, leaving me stand here speechless. That is how much she loves you, this is what that place means to her. It stands for the battle inside of her and being shot by the woman she was willing to give her life for."

"Alex. I am so, so sorry," Nikita whispered, allowing some tears to fall from her eyes.

Alex didn't respond. She kept looking at Amanda.

"Now Alex, tell me. How are you these days? Are you feeling well?"Amanda asked, worried about Alex. "I got your medical results. Congrats."

"I feel exhausted Amanda. I haven't slept more than one hour every night since the day you released me and I am really tired of arguing with Sean. He thinks I'm cheating on him because I don't sleep with him. What do you expect me to do Amanda? I've been watching over Nikita's house all the time. I feel like a stalker. Seriously, you put a price on her head? You thought I wouldn't have found out, or that I would have left her unprotected and exposed?'' Alex shouted angrily to Amanda. "Withdraw that price and I'll be just fine!"

"What!?"Nikita asked. "She put a price on my head and you didn't tell me? You've been patrolling my house all these days? Why you didn't tell me?" Nikita was so upset. She couldn't believe Alex kept something like this from her.

"Can we argue about this later, please?"Alex asked her mentor. She gave her a warning look, then turned back to Amanda. "Amanda, just tell me what you want."

"Fine. Have you considered my offer, Alex?"Amanda asked and looked back to Alex so she could see her eyes. "Are you going to join me?"

"I have nothing to think about Amanda. You know my answer. As far as I'm concerned, you are a crazy bitch that wants to kill all my loved ones," Alex replied.

Amanda slapped Alex in the face hard. In reaction, Nikita pulled her gun and pointed it at Amanda's head. Alex saw the storm coming and quickly touched Nikita's gun to lower it.

"It's okay Nikita, you can lower the gun. Don't pull the trigger, no matter what. I mean it!" Then she turned to Amanda and said "You can slap me again and again if you want. You can torture me and try to kill me, but my answer won't change. I will never join you as long as you try to hurt them. They are my family."

Amanda was so angry, she couldn't control herself. She slapped Alex again. But this time, slapping her wasn't enough. So she took out her gun and hit Alex's face with it. Alex lost balance and fell to her knees, looking up at Amanda, her eyes expressing she wasn't going to change her mind. Nikita was just standing there, trying to control herself and not engage, as Alex had asked her to. Amanda lowered herself to Alex's eye level so she could face her.

"I am your family, Alex. I am the only family you have. This woman killed your Papa and caused you so much pain. I'm your family. I can promise you something, I will leave your baby out of this fight, but I will make you regret your choice. I will hunt you down and I will cause you so much pain, you can't even imagine it. I'll make you pay for turning your back to me. You just started a war with your aunt, baby girl. I'll make you kill Nikita and everyone else for me. If not, you're going to lose everything and you'll be begging me to kill you. It will be a really painful choice, I swear," Amanda said in a coldblooded way, thirsty for revenge and hurt by Alex's betrayal. Then she hit Alex's face one more time, knocking her out. She left the scene, leaving Nikita with an unconscious Alex


	5. we need to talk

"Alex! Alex!" Nikita was really anxious. She ran to the unconscious body of her partner and started shaking her shoulder. "Alex! Wake up!"

"Ugh... Nikita, I'm fine, at least I think I am." Alex slowly put herself in an upright position. "But you should drive," she added and smiled when her mentor visibly relaxed. "My head is killing me by the way. Did she really knock me out with her gun?" she mumbled sarcastically.

"Alex, this is not funny! I don't understand what happened. What the hell was all that about?" Nikita asked. Thinking back to the previous events, she felt more confused than ever.

" Oh. I guess I owe you explanations for a lot of things. I can't let you out of this anyway. She just declared war against me and you are one of her main targets, I'm afraid," Alex said sadly. _Great. I put all of my friends in danger. I must find a way to work it out without anyone being hurt, or worse. I have to talk to Sean, he must know I'm carrying his child._

_"_Let's go back, Nikita," Alex said and walked back to their car.

During their way home, Alex was really anxious. She remained silent throughout the ride, staring outthe window.

"Alex? Are you ok?" Nikita asked, worried about her friend. Alex didn't answer. She was just sitting there, motionless and silent.

"Alex! Don't make me ask you again! Are you ok?" Nikita asked angrily. She wanted to make sure that Alex was going to answer her question this time.

" Yes. I'm fine. No need to worry," Alex replied, but she didn't manage to persuade Nikita.

" Oh come on Alex. Don't lie to me."

"I am fine Nikita. I don't have anything to confess," Alex said, turning her face back to the road.

Back at Division.

"Let's go to Medical first. Then we are going to talk. You have a lot of questions to answer, Alex. You have to tell me everything." Nikita ordered and started walking to Medical. Alex suddenly stopped.

" Fine. We are going to talk, I promise but give me one hour, I am asking for one hour only. I will be in my room. Please come and pick up in one hour, okay?" She asked quickly and then ran off, away from Nikita and towards her room. She opened the door and entered the room. She saw Sean, her boyfriend, pacing up and down anxiously and she had never felt so relaxed and happy as that moment, when she realized she was back with him.

"SEAN!" she shouted. He barely had the time to turn around before she ran at him and hugged him passionately. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Alex," Sean said and hugged Alex back, even tighter than she did. "I love you so much," he added and kissed her softly. "Are you ok? How did the meeting with Amanda go? What happened to your head? Is that blood? You should go to Medical!" Sean started to be really worried about his girl.

"Relax Sean! I am fine, but I have to talk to you. I have good news, bad news and I-don't-know-whether-it's-good-or-bad-news. You should sit down." Alex said, pushing Sean back to their bed.

"Okay. What 's wrong?" Sean said, quite surprised by Alex's strange behaviour.

" Please remain calm. We have only 50 minutes so I need to get to the point. The bad news is Amanda is my aunt, she declared war against me and you are one of her targets."

"She is what!? She did what? I am what?" Sean asked in shock.

"You heard me. Don't make me repeat it! Now. The good news. We have 9 months before she starts coming after me." Alex said.

"What? Why 9 months?" Sean asked. He was really confused about what the hell was going on.

"And that brings us to the I-don't-know-whether-it's-good-or-bad-news." Alex took a deep breath. "I am pregnant, Sean. I'm carrying your child."

"You are pregnant?" Sean whispered in shock. "Pregnant?" he repeated. "I'm going to be a daddy?" He looked up at Alex and she nodded the affirmative.

Suddenly, Sean jumped up from the bed up and started yelling. "YOU ARE PREGNANT! WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY! I AM GOING TO BE A DADDY!" He grabbed Alex and kissed her briefly. Then he sat on their bed. Alex climbed on his lap and he started kissing his girlfriend passionately. "How do you feel, Alex? Do you want this kid or not?" he said, trying to keep his happiness under control.

"I – I'm scared, Sean. I have never thought of being a mom and here I am, carrying our child. I'm afraid that I'm not going to be a good mother. Now though, after seeing you so glad about it, I know I want to try, I want to fight for it. I want to have a baby with you, Sean. If... if you want it too, of course."

"Only if it is a girl!" Sean replied in a sarcastic way. He lied down on the bed and crawled over it to lie near his girlfriend. He put his hand on her stomach and said, "Hi little girl, your daddy is here."

"Boy," Alex argued.

"Girl."

"Boy."

"Girl."

"Boy!"

"Girl!"

They sat right there, arguing about the what sex their child should be, when someone knocked on the door.

"Come in," Sean answered. The door opened and Nikita entered the room.

"Listen, I'm sorry if I interrupted something but I need to talk to Alex," Nikita said. She felt a little awkward watching the lovey-dovey couple lying on the bed.

"Ok. On my way," Alex said. She turned to kiss Sean one more time and whispered "Boy." Then she stepped out the bed and left the room. She turned to look at Nikita. "Let's go," she said, sounding a little hopeless.

"Where would you like to have that conversation?" Nikita asked, letting Alex choose the place so she could feel comfortable.

"Sublevel 12," Alex replied coldly.

"What!? That is the torture area!" Nikita said, shocked. Why would Alex choose such a place!?

"I know that, Nikita. This conversation is going to be a torture for me so let's do it right shall we? Just to get in the mood," Alex said, smiling softly


	6. talk

Sublevel 12 was dark and bare. No furniture was there except a table and two aluminum chairs, which had taken the place of the equipment Amanda had used to take the truth out of their victims. Both Nikita and Alex suffered some very vivid visions of Amanda's capability to cause pain the moment they stepped onto the abandoned floor.

"I don't know about you, Nikita, but I would like to take a seat. I'm really tired and my head is killing me," Alex said, stepping forward to take a seat beside the interrogation lamp. She sat down on the chair and put her hands on the table in front of her.

"Are you sure that you don't want to go to Medical first?" Nikita asked, worried about her friend's health.

"Yes. I'm fine. I just want to get this over with," Alex said sadly. She knew she couldn't hide her secrets anymore. It was time for the truth to come out.

"Ok." Nikita sat down opposite her friend. "I have no idea what question I should ask first," she added. There were so many things that she wanted to ask, she was so confused.

"Don't worry, we have all the time in the world," Alex said and gave Nikita a small smile.

"Alright. What happened out there on the beach?" Nikita asked, after taking a moment to put her thoughts in order.

"A Udinov family reunion. Amanda's real name is Alicia Udinov, she is the younger sister of Nikolai Udinov. Amanda used to be my favorite aunt, we loved each other. When I was 7, she faked her death. She couldn't combine Division with her normal life and apparently she chose Division," Alex replied emotionlessly.

"How long have you known this, Alex?"

"The first time I met Amanda, I was in shock. She was so much like my aunt but she couldn't be her. My aunt was kind, and lovely, and caring but Amanda is so manipulative. She is full of anger and she loves to cause others pain, so I somehow convinced myself that she couldn't be her. But back in Ossetia, when I told her that I needed a favor and that I was pregnant, she called me 'lion cub'. That used to be her nickname for me, back when I was young. I looked up at her and she knew that I knew so she admitted to being Alicia. I couldn't believe it so I took a blood sample of hers and ran a DNA test. It matched."

"What was the offer she made you?" Nikita continued, trying to keep her voice calm.

"She offered me to join her. She told me that if I joined her she would stop coming after me," Alex said quietly.

"Why you didn't take the offer?" Nikita asked angrily. Alex had been offered an opportunity to save her life, and she hadn't taken it? Stupid, she thought. Nikita stood up and started pacing the room.

"What do you think?!" Alex answered, seeing the anger raise inside Nikita. "I didn't take it because you guys are my family and I could never come after you. I would never do that just to save my own ass!" Alex shouted, hurt by the fact that Nikita felt like she had to ask her something like that. She made a move to stand up but sat back down on the chair when a bout of dizziness surged through her.

"You told me that I am turning into a new Amanda. So why you didn't take the opportunity to leave and stop me?" Nikita asked, furious at her protegée.

"What? You can't be serious!" Alex yelled. "Yes, running this place has a negative effect on you. And yes you might be turning into the next Amanda, but I don't want you dead Nikita. You don't really believe that I would do something like this to you, right? You didn't try to kill me when I was Division. So why should I try to do so now that you are Division? I don't like how things have worked out but I love you Nikita, I care so much for you. Nothing can ever change that," Alex said, allowing a tear to fall down her cheek. "I'm sorry," she added.

Nikita turned to look at the young Russian. Finally, she understood she had gone too far and was wrong. Alex would never go so far in order to fight her and she should have known that. After calming down, she continued to interrogate the girl.

"Why did you let Amanda hit you? Why you didn't let me protect you?"

"Because…" Alex took a big breath. "Because you had two guns trained on your back. If you had engaged, they would have taken the shot and killed you," Alex said. She closed her eyes, trying to lose the image of a dead Nikita shot in the back.

"Thank you," Nikita said softly. Alex opened her eyes to see Nikita was now standing in front of her. "I guess you saved my life once again," she added and smiled to the younger woman in front of her.

"I have something else to ask you. I'm really sorry and I know it's private, but I can't help it. Are you pregnant?" Nikita asked, waiting anxiously for the answer.

"I'm one month along," Alex admitted. Then she was surprised to find herself in a bear hug from Nikita. "I am sorry for not telling you earlier. You had a lot of things on your mind." She added, trying to explain herself.

"Don't worry, it's ok. Congratulations! I'm so glad for you!" Nikita said. "But why does Amanda want to protect your baby?" she asked, a little confused. She was really worried about Alex.

"Because she is a smart woman and she knows better than to go after the Udinov children. In this war there is only one rule, an ancient rule. You can do anything to whoever has hurt you but you need to either leave the children out of the battle entirely or kill them all. I made a choice and now Amanda has to play by that rule. We didn't go after her daughter so she can't go after our children. That means your potential children are safe too."

"Amanda has a daughter?" Nikita asked in surprise.

"Yeah, her name is Katrina. She thinks her mother is dead, but we stayed in touch after I reclaimed my identity. The fact that we kept her out of this is something Amanda can't ignore."

"Is there anything else you haven't told me? Oh yeah, I forgot. You never told me I have a price on my head," Nikita continued accusingly, shocked by the truth Alex had kept from her all that time.

Alex stared at the ground. "I'm sorry Nikita. You were just so upset with everything that's been going on with Michael. He only just got back home and you were so glad that things were better between you two… I couldn't tell you. I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't want Amanda's game to ruin your happiness. You deserve to be happy," Alex apologized with tears in her eyes.

"How many people were watching me?" Nikita coldly asked.

Alex didn't answer.

"Alex! How many?"

"During the first 3 days, there was one rogue Cleaner, two teams sent by the Russian mafia and a rogue Gogol agent." Alex replied, still staring at the ground.

"And after that? How many?"

"None."

"Really? Why?"

"I'm so sorry Nikita, you were never supposed to see what I'm about to show you. Give me your tablet."

Alex hacked into the Russian mafia's network and she showed Nikita a video of herself entering the Russian Mafia's HQ. She had 8 men with her and they were beat up, tied and gagged. Then she looked up and spoke directly to the camera._ "My name is Alexandra Udinov. You know who I am. You don't want to mess with me, do you? Now listen carefully. You will stop sending people after Nikita or these are the last of your men returning alive. If you don't stop, I will hunt you down and find your family. I will have your wives raped, your children tortured, your parents killed in front of your eyes and then I'm going to let you leave to live with the ghosts of your past haunting you. Does 2 billion deserve all that? Now leave her alone, or say goodbye to your family." _Then Alex shot the camera. Her eyes were just as empty as they were when she had killed Vlad.

The video had finished but Nikita was still standing there motionless, staring at Alex's picture on her tablet.

"Nikita…?" Alex said, trying to make Nikita say something. Anything.

Nikita scoffed. "I hate seeing you like this. I never wanted this life for you. I wanted you to be happy, far away from death and murder," she confessed and let a tear escape.

"I know that Nikita. I don't want to be that person either, but this is who I was meant to be. That woman in the video is who my father wanted me to be. I don't want this part of me on the surface but I couldn't think of anything else to make them stop. Those men were made to fear me. To them I am not Alex. To them I am Alexandra Udinov, a cold blooded murderer who will do anything to anyone without guilt, without hesitation. I used that and I'm not proud of it, but it worked. I won't apologize for selling my soul to the devil in order to protect the ones I love," Alex answered and looked at Nikita, who nodded and thanked her once more.

"What happened to those who came after me? Did you kill them?" Nikita asked, terrified about what the answer may be.

"No. You taught me better than that. The Russians are back home under protection of Zetrov's security department and the Cleaner had started a new life. I gave him a new identity and 2 million as well as a warning. I checked up on him yesterday. He has a new life in Shanghai now. He's running a restaurant and found a girl. As for the Gogol agent, mmh I had to kill him. We had a knife fight and he injured me. I couldn't persuade him to leave so I had to fight back before things got out of control. He died. I'm sorry."

"It's ok, you didn't have a choice. You saved my ass... Alex what Amanda said about the history of your place, is it the truth?"

"Yes. She wanted me to kill you and we argued about that. You might have caused me pain, but I'll always take care of you. Amanda and I had nothing in common. I am not going to tell you I have forgotten what you did, but I understand. You might have killed my Papa but you gave me a family, which I never had. You might have shot me but you saved my ass so many times. You might cause me pain sometimes but you also took away so much pain. I remember every tear I cried because of you but it's nothing compared to how many smiles I formed thanks to you. I love you Nikita, never doubt it. What are you thinking?" Alex said looking her mentor's face become dark.

"Why did we end up here, Alex? Why are we having this conversation on Sublevel 12? Why didn't you come to me, what happened? I want the truth Alex, no more lies. No more secrets."

"Fine. We stopped talking to each other and as time went by I stopped trusting you. I'm sorry Nikita. I was so angry with you and I preferred drugs over you. And I just forgot how we used to talk. I didn't know how to approach you anymore."

"Angry? Why? Let's make things work, Alex. Right here, right now. I have missed you, so much. I need my sister back. Please," Nikita pleaded. She wanted their fight to finish here. She wanted her Alex back.

"Everything started when Mia shot me. I woke up to find that you almost died when Mia threw you out of a window. I had just taken a bullet for you and you somehow still managed to get yourself in trouble, so I realized that no matter what I do to protect you, it's never good enough if you won't be more careful, or shut Division down. But I kept my anger inside of me and decided to help clean this place up in order for you to be safe. I couldn't do it while benched, so I started using painkillers to help me manage and as you know I got addicted again." Alex sighed. "I had destroyed my relationship with Sean and yet this place was still standing. And then Michael lost his hand. You were broken but I didn't know how to help you. I was there for you but you never came to me. You didn't trust me. You didn't even sleep when I was near because my presence made you nervous. And then I learned that I was pregnant. I wanted to tell you but I didn't know how. "Next thing I knew, Amanda came up. She got me. And she couldn't drug me or torture me physically but that doesn't mean that she did nothing. She reminded me of all the bad things that have happened in my life and your part in them. She tried to persuade me that you were my enemy and used my memories. In short she did exactly what you did when you trained me to become your eyes inside Division and she knew it. She knew every step we took together and she knew how much pain we have caused each other. She knew everything. I was devastated. When you made the exchange, I didn't know what to believe anymore. The only thing I knew was that there was a girl who had never met me and she had just taken a bullet for me. I had to save her but I couldn't because you had your own mission and I don't blame you for that. After that the gap between us widened. I just want Division to be shut down. I want the old Nikita back," Alex admitted. The truth has finally come out.

"Alex, I'm so sorry. I went after Mia because I was angry. I was worried that I might lose you forever and I wanted revenge. I didn't know that doing so would be the thing to make me lose you. I'm sorry, Alex, for not being there. I'm sorry for make it difficult to you to come to me, I'm so sorry." Nikita was now shaking, she was really upset. Hearing the truth didn't make her feel better. She thought she had lost her friend. "I am sorry, Alex. Please forgive me, I need you so much! I want my sister back! Please, please don't leave me again, I missed you so much. I'm so, so sorry!" Nikita choked out and started crying loudly.

Alex stood up from the chair and hugged her mentor. "I'm sorry too, Nikita. I'm really sorry. But I am here now and I need you. I have missed you so much too," she whispered.

The two girls have finally made things work between them. They hugged, no more secrets, no more lies. They stayed there for 2 more hours, talking, laughing and crying. They had each other again. Then they headed back to Ops and announced Alex's pregnancy to everyone. After working out all their issues, Nikita and Alex's relationship was better than ever and the whole team was thrilled to hear that there would be no sign of Amanda for at least the next 9 months. However, Amanda was still out there planning her next move…


	7. it's time

9 months later...

"Hi," Michael said walking towards to Alex. "How are you today? How is our mommy today?"

"I'm fine, only exhausted. This little baby girl never sleeps," she answered and smiled down to the little girl she held in her hands.

"Oooh, hi Alex, hi baby girl," Birkhoff said and went to kiss the new member of the family.

"Sonya says hi, she is going to be a little late today. You know, morning sickness."

"Oh, yes I know. Poor girl. So what's new? Ryan is still on vacation, isn't he?"

"Yes, he is. He sends his regards from Paris," Michael replied and took the little baby girl in his arms for a hug.

"Guys, maybe it's irrelevant but have you seen Sean? I haven't seen him since this morning," Alex asked.

"He is with Nikita. They're shopping," Michael replied while he continued to play with the baby.

"Alex! How are you?" Sonya shouted, entering Ops.

"I'm fine. How is morning sickness?"

"Don't ask. Please tell me it will get better!" Sonya pleaded.

Alex smiled and winked at her, reassuring Sonya that everything would be just fine. The pregnant tech was so glad, but then...

BEEP BEEP

"Guys!" Birkhoff yelled. "We have an incoming call from Amanda. What do you want me to do?" he asked nervously.

"Sonya, please take the baby out of the room," Michael said and waited until Sonya and the baby had disappeared from their view.

"Put her through," Alex ordered calmly.

"Hi, Division. How are you? Alex, nice to see you again. Congrats, I heard you have had your baby." Amanda said, emotionless as ever.

"Amanda, what do you want?" Alex asked, but she knew the answer already. Amanda wanted revenge for her betrayal, she wanted Alex to pay.

"I don't want anything, but I think someone else does," Amanda said and turned the camera to her left so they could see two figures tied up on chairs. Sean and Nikita. They had been captured by the woman Alex was most afraid of in life, and fear passed through Alex's body as the camera first zoomed in on her best friend and then swiveled to show her husband.

"Nikita tell her," Amanda ordered.

"Screw you, Amanda. I will never– AAAAAAAAGH!" Alex heard her friend scream while Amanda pushed a button and electrocuted her. She couldn't stand watching her family being tortured and her anger got the best of her. Her fist slammed down on the table before her.

"AMANDA! Stop it! Just let me speak to them and they will say their lines. Please!" Alex pleaded.

"Fine," Amanda said and stopped torturing Nikita.

"Nikita, look at me." Nikita looked at Alex's face. Alex could see some bruises but apart from that she seemed fine, for now at least.

"Nikita, are you and Sean ok?" Alex asked anxiously. Nikita nodded the affirmative.

"Now, please tell me what Amanda wants you to say."

"No, Alex, please don't make me do that, I can't," Nikita cried. "I can't."

"Nikita, please, I know it is difficult for you but do it for me. I know that you love me, I do, you don't have to prove it to me like that. I need you to tell me. You promised no more secrets. You promised. Please!" Alex pleaded. She knew that the answer would be painful but she couldn't let them die in her place.

"Your life for ours," Nikita whispered and then she cried like a little kid. "I'm sorry, Alex."

Alex didn't think, she just acted immediately without hesitation. She knew she'd probably regret this later but she replied.

"We have a deal Amanda. I will turn myself in. When and where?" Alex asked.

"I didn't expect it to be so easy, I wanted Nikita to scream more… But I guess I'll have to make up for that with you. In 5 hours at our place. See you soon," Amanda said and turned the video feed off.

"What the hell are you doing, Alex?" Michael screamed at her. "Turning yourself in to Amanda?! She is going to kill you!"

"No, she is going to give me a painful death. I don't want to fight over this, Michael. Their lives are more important than mine. End of discussion. Birkhoff, I want you ready for the exchange, I want you to run tests for hidden chips, bullets, bombs etc on site," Alex ordered and left Ops.

As soon as she was alone, she slid down a wall and took her phone from her pocket. She dialed a number.

"Ryan. I'm really sorry that I have to destroy your days off but it's time."

"Be there in 5 hours. Alex, be strong," he replied and finished the call.

It was time. She always feared this day. The day that she would sign her own death penalty. She has never thought about how she wanted to die, but dying protecting the people she loved seemed quite noble right now. She had five hours to prepare herself for that, she had five more hours with her daughter. She needed to pass the time she had left with her daughter and that was what she was planning to do with these five hours.


	8. little boxes

On the beach two squads heavily armed were spread on. Amanda had her quys and Alex had Division on her side. They both knew that they couldn't do something silly without being terminated, so the exchange had to take place. Alex and Brikoff approached the center of the beach in order to find Amanda and her captures one.

"Hi Alex" Amanda said "You look fine"

"Hi Amanda" Alex replied. "Nikita are you, ok? Sean?"

" No, we are not ok, Alex, you are stupid, don't do that, please, our daughter needs you" Sean shouted

" Our daughter is gonna be alright with you" Alex said coldly trying to keep her emotions under control. Have to leave her and know that she might no see her again was the worst pain, but she had to, she had to put an end.

" There is no need to delay the exchange. Birkoff will check them and then we continue" Alex said. "Birkoff do what you have to do" she ordered.

"You know, Alex, Percy used to say that in an exchange every part leave a little disappointed" Amanda said.

" I am not disappointed at all, Amanda. We both win. I am sorry to let you down but I don't feel sorry or disappointed" Alex replied putting her brave face on.

"Alex, we are finished, no hidden bullets, no surgical scars, nothing, they are both clear. Are you sure that you want to do that, princess? I am not going to stop you but are you sure?'' Birkoff said

" Yes. I am sure, nerd. Thank you. Take them back to safety. Tell to Ryan that it is time, he will understand. Be safe. !" she ordered and nodded to 3 agents who took Nikita and Sean away from the beach. When the last vehicle left her sight, Alex turned to Amanda, she dropped her gun on the ground in front of her, she opened her hands and said " I am all yours, Amanda".

Amanda smiled. She took her gun out and slapped on Alex's jaw and cut her lips. Two men came from the behind and knocked Alex's back, she fell down and she felt more and more pain in her body, she was beaten by six men, she was ready to pass out, when Amanda shouted "ENOUGH. take her".

* * *

Back in division...

Michael was in ops watching the exchange. He was so angry, he was standing there watching Alex being beaten and he couldn't do anything.

Suddenly, the door opened and Ryan rushed into the room. He looked up at the video and he fell to his knees. "It's time, Alex, I know. Be strong, Alex, we will get you" He whispered. He felt so powerless but he had a mission to complit now, a mission- Alex's last wish, he couldn't fail him.

Then the door opened and a broken Nikita entered. She looked down at Ryan, then up to the video and left a cry as she saw an unconsious Alex being transported and then stared at Michael. Suddenly, she started crying and shouting at him "How did you let her do that, Michael? Amanda is going to torture her so much that you can't even imagine, she will keep her alive in pain for as long as Alex can take. The hate that Amanda feels for me is nothing comparing to what she feels for Alex! How can you do that, Michael?" She cried

" She didn't give me a choice, Nikita. She made the deal alone and when I went to stop her before leaving, she pointed a gun on me." Michael replied and left some tears.

"Guys, guys. Please. Alex wouldn't want that. This is none's fault. The only one to blame is Amanda. Stop fighting each other and let's find her before it is too late. Please guys, for Alex" Birkoff said. He wasn't used to be the voice of the logic but someone had to be and Alex wasn't there to play her role.

Michael and Nikita nodded and then they hugged letting their pain shown.

" Ah. Ryan, Alex asked me to tell that it's time,she said that you will understand" Birkoff added.

" Yes, I figured out that it was time, where is Sean?" Ryan replied.

" He is with their daughter" Sonya replied.

" Good. I want Sean, Michael, Birkoff and Nikita in my office in 5 minutes for now." He ordered and left the ops heading to his office.

_I won't let you down, Alex. I will fulfil your wish and I will find you_ Ryan thought.

five minutes later Nikita, Michael, Sean and Birkoff were in Ryan's office. They all looked tired and broken.

"What's wrong, Ryan?" Nikita whispered.

" I am really sorry but I have to do this, I promised her that I won't wait." Ryan replied and looked at their confused faces.

" When I took charge of Division, Alex came to me and gave me a box and an envelop. She said that I would have to open it if she died on the field. Last year when she returned from Ossetia, she came to me and gave me one more box with a new enveloppe. She looked tired. She told me that this box was much more important from the other and that I should open it when the time comes. I didn't get it back then, but now I understand that she meant if Amanda got her alive. before I left, she came and added one more letter inside the told me that we have to be careful with our secrets and that the security to be pass is going to need all of you to crack the code."

He took a deep breathe and continued " I opened the box and the envelop with the instructions. In order to open the security box, we have to answer some questions to identify ourselves. Let's begin"

Ryan opened the envelop to read the questions.

" Nikita: how did you identify yourself to Ronnie when you saved my ass? two words" Ryan readed

" fairy godmother" Nikita whispered and left some tears fell.

"good, Nicky, your answer is correct. Now Michael. First mission, what did you tell her that you will be for her? two words again."

" Guardian Angel" Michael replied and hugged Nikita one more time.

"Good. we are getting closer. Birkoff: what did you tell Alex that she was like when you confronted her for her relapse? seven words"

"owa. I didn't know that she remember that. well I told her that she was like little why-dolls inside big why-dolls"

" Very good. One left. Sean after Mia shot Alex you asked her what she believed in. what was her answer? One word"

" She said that she believed in Nikita" Sean said and looked at Nikita.

" the box is open, guys. I guess that Alex wants you to have one of this. Michael this letter is for you. Birkoff she asked me to tell that you have 30 minutes to do, you will meet with the others back in ops in 30' and she asked me to order you to leave now. Sean this is for you and Nikita this box is for you. You have to pass the code in order to open. You will need blood, fingerprints and voice recognition. She also asked me to tell you to come back in ops in 30'. "

* * *

Ryan said and then he turned his back to the others and read his letter one more time.

_dear Ryan, _

_I hope you are alright. I am sorry for that, I know that is a difficult task but I didn't know who else I should trust with that._

_We need to be careful with our secrets. And my secret is my loves one. Inside the box you are gonna find 3 envelops and one box. the box is for Nikita. To crack the code they will have to answer in some questions, (look at the other page). When they do, tell them to come back in the ops in 30 minutes and put that tape when Birkoff has his answer, you will understand. Tell Thom and John that it is time for their mission and they will understand too. Do it now._

_I trust with this Ryan. Don't let anything happen to them. Be safe._

_Love, Alex_

Ryan took a deep breathe and called in Thom and John and tell them what Alex told him, the two guys smiled and asked Ryan to evacuate the ops for 25'. Ryan followed their wish. _what are you planning now, Alex? _He thought.

* * *

Michael headed to the armory and then he opened the letter.

_Michael,_

_I am really sorry for letting you handle Nikita. I guess that somehow Amanda got me alive. I may not see you again but I have some things that I want to tell you._

_first of all, Michael, I really love you. You are the closest thing I have to a daddy. I need you to know that Nikita loves you so much. She would give her own life for you. Treat her well. I know that you will. I trust you with that. I want you to be safe and happy and have a normal life. _

_I am going to ask you something really important. If for any reason I turn against Nikita or anyone else inside Division, I want you to kill me. I want you to take me out of my misery if I do something like that. Please Michael promise me that you will not let me harm my family again. I beg you. If killing me, means everybody's else safety, then don't hesitate. _

_Keep them safe,Michael._

_I am not really good at these goodbyes words. I love you my little guardian angel._

_love, Alex_

* * *

Birkoff was in his private computer station when he opened his letter

_dear Nerd,_

_you are like a big brother to me and i do love you, but right now i am really angry with you. what exactly are you waiting for? in our lifestyle, there is no time for wait, you don't even know if you are gonna to have another minute. So get your ass up and be a man._

_I know that this is probably not the best time but I don't care. They will need something to cheer them up anyway. I have it all under control. You won't have to do anything. Thom is going to meet you with your clothes. You have the ring so take the girl and tell her that you love her. In ops in 30'. I have done everything I could remember that you wanted to do your engament day so don't be worry. She will say "yes", don't be a coward._

_If I came back alive, you can hate me as much as you want but right now, you know that I am right._

_I love you nerd._

Birkoff was standing there speechless, Alex was right. He had to do it. He stepped up and took in his hand his engagement ring, when he heard the door knocking.

"Birkoff, it's Tom. Alex send me. You need to get dressed, you have only 5 minutes. She asked me to tell you that she will be with you, or her spirit at least".

"oh. Tom. Come in. Thank you for helping. What is she up to? Should I be worried" Birkoff asked.

" No. She had planned all. It wiil be perfect. come on. let's go get you the girl"

The two men headed to the ops and when Birkoff entered the room, he was speechless. The room was covered with roses and a video with some pictures of him and sonya was uploaded and ready to play. It was exactly as he planned to do it. "Thank you princess" he whispered and made himself comfortable and ready for his big moment

* * *

Sean was in their bedroom reading again and again his letter and crying. How did he let this happen?

_my love,_

_i guess that if you read this letter then Amanda somehow got me alive. Don't worry, please. It's my choice and I don't regret it no matter what. I love you to much to turn my back on you. I don't want you to blame yourself, or Nikita, or anyone. I choose that life, Sean. I need you to be safe. I need you to take care of yourself and of our baby. Please don't go after Amanda, we don't risk that our baby loose both its parents. Stay here with it and please don't let it forget me. Maybe someday I will see you again._

_Once you asked me what my tattoo means and I think that it is time to tell you. Butterflies are the God's proof that we can have a second chance in life. You are my personal butterfly. The years I spend with you are the best of my life. Because of you, I wake up in the mornings and I don't feel sad. Because of you, I have hope and a reason to live._

_Amanda can't take that away from me. She can't take my love for you. I am a whole person because of you, I am a strong happy person. Take care of our family, Sean. Our baby, Nikita, Michael, Birkoff, everybody are our family. Be safe._

_I love you._

_p.s. don't stare at the letter my dear, go to the ops now. I have a last message for you guys and Birkoff is going to need your help._

Sean suddenly stood up and headed to the ops. He didn't know why Alex wanted him to go to the ops but he couldn't disobey her wish.

* * *

Nikita was in the training area. She was sad and angry. She had let down Alex one more time. She had promised that she won't let anything happen to her, but she couldn't keep her promise. Amanda got Alex and it was her fault. She had introduced Alex in that crazy world and she was the one who failed to protect her. She wanted to open the box but she was scared. She took a deep breathe and she started passing the tests. first the dna test and the fingerprints, then the voice recognition. The box was opened. Inside there was an album with pictures of the two of them. Nikita took it with shaking hands and left some tears fall down. Then she opened her letter. It was a really short one.

_I am sorry, Nikita._

_P.S. be strong...for me._

She was staring at her letter when the door opened. It was Ryan.

"Nikita, I am sorry, but Alex asked me to make sure that you will come in the ops with the others. I promised her that I will bring you. Come. It's time" Ryan said.

Nikita nodded and followed Ryan to the ops.

"Ryan. Why did she come to you?" Nikita asked.

Ryan gave her a small smile and replied "Because she couldn't come to any of you. She knew that she couldn't give you her 'boxes' without having a horrible fight with one of you. She told me that you all keep denying the possible to die in the field or disappear. After Amanda captured, she was determined that sometime she would have to say goodbye. So she gave me the box. You can't fight her if she is not here."

* * *

In the ops (with the new romantic decoration)...

Our team was all there wondering what the hell is going on...Ryan, Nikita, Michael, Sean, Birkoff, Sonya, Tom, John...

"What has happened here?" Nikita asked

" Alex, happened" Tom answered. "She asked us to do exactly that" John added

"But why?" Michael asked looking around

"Because she is really tired of waiting for me. This is her order to me" Birkoff said and stepped foward.

"Tom, John the video please" Suddenly a video started. It was made of Sonya's and Birkoff's picture. They all turned back to Birkoff, who was down in one knee and offered a ring to Sonya.

"Sonya, would you marry me?" Birkoff asked really nervous.


	9. I kept my promise

"Sonya, would you marry me?" Birkoff asked really nervous.

"Yes, Seymour. Yes" Sonya replied and hugged her fiance. Everyone congratulated the new couple. One good thing in a terrible day.

" I guess that this is the answer that Alex was talking about. I have one last message for you, guys. Tom put that tape on" Ryan said calmly.

Alex's face pumped on the screen. She was smiling.

_Nerd, finally! Congratulations. I hope that I didn't forget something during the organisation, it's how you told me that you planned it. I am sorry for not being there, Seymour, I am really sorry. You all need to understand something. In this kind of job you don't have time to wait, you can die in the next minute. So take your time and spend it with your loves one. Hug them, kiss them and tell them that you love them. You may don't have any other opportunity. I want you to be safe and happy. I love you all too much._

_I am sure that each of you is going to blame yourself for whatever happened to me. Don't. It's not your fault. Birkoff you asked me once how I managed to revive when I was almost gone and I told you that there was something worth living for. I meant all of you guys. Now I am here to tell you that you are also something worth dying for. I won't regret my choice. I would give my life for you again and again. Remember what I wrote to you guys and please follow my wishes. Especially you Michael, I am counting on you. _

_CONGRATULATIONS AND REMEMBER I LOVE YOU._

and then the screen went black. The team was standing there really motivated by Alex's words, they had to find her before it is too late, they needed to act now. A sudden noise took them out of their thoughts.

"Guys!" Birkoff shouted "Amanda is calling"

"put her through" Nikita ordered and put her brave and emotionless mask on her face.

The picture shocked her. It was Alex tied in a chair, covered with blood and sweat, obviously beaten but she was smiling...

" Hi, Division. I only want to ask you one question and then I let you suffer. Why is she smiling? I am here torturing her over a hour and she doesn't scream, she doesn't do anything, she is just smiling? Is she ok?" Amanda asked. She was really confused.

"I made a promise, Amanda. I told you. I will scream and cry and whatever you want in a while, for now I keep my promise" Alex said calmly.

" A promise to who can make you control your pain?" Amanda asked her angrily and slapped Alex with a chain causing her some more cuts.

" A promise to me" Birkoff replied calmly. " I didn't know that you meant it,Alex." Birkoff said.

" What promise?" Amanda asked and looked at Alex, who didn't answer and to Birkoff.

" Birkoff, I will break her hand with a hammer if you don't answer my question. You remember the feeling?" Amanda coldly asked and took a hammer in her hands.

" No! No! No! You don't have to, I will tell you anything. Please don't hurt her again" Birkoff shouted

"I am listening" Amanda said and went to stand beside Alex's body.

" She promised that her spirit is going to be with me when I will ask Sonya to marry her. She told me not to delay it and I asked Sonya to marry me ten minutes ago." Birkoff replied nervously.

Suddenly they all froze. Amanda had just stabbed Alex's shoulder with a knife. They were in shock. Amanda was so cruel, they waited Alex to scream but she didn't. She was just standing there with tears in her eyes that she didn't let fall as the pain stiked and then she spelled "congratulations!" and smiled once more.

Amanda was out of control and angry of Alex's calmness she pushed the knife deeper in her body. Alex let a grimace of pain to show and then she told

" Really Amanda? You stabbed from the behind? If this is all what you got then I am going to have a great time. You are a coward, Amanda. Too scared to love, to care, to face the truth."

Amanda slowly came in front of Alex and lowered in her eyes level.

" You are stupid, Alex. You will regret turning your back on me. I will make you and your family suffer. Actually I am gonna leave the camera online until you die. It's late, I am going to rest and we will continue our talk tomorrow. Reconsider my offer, Alex, join me." Amanda said and left.

" Are you ok?" Nikita asked.

"Yes. I am fine, Nikita. Relax. Birkoff, Sonya congratulations" Alex said and smiled ignoring the excruciating pain in her entire body.

"trace the signal" Sean ordered.

"It's gonna take days, Sean..." Birkoff replied

" I don't care. I want my wife back." Sean cried.

"Hey, hey, Sean look at me. Don't yell at them. I love you. Go and spend some time with our baby girl. Don't look at me like that. Go" Alex said calmly and watched Sean as he left the ops.

" What is going on Alex? Why you didn't want Sean to be here?" Michael asked really worried.

" For the same reason I don't want you guys to be here but I don't have any way to persuade you to leave. If I can protect one of you for being hurt then I will do so. Nerd, I kept my promise so please now activate the soundproofing system inside ops and lower the volume. NOW!" Alex shouted.

"Alex? what are you talking about?" Nikita asked anxious about her answer.


	10. she is the one

"Alex? what are you talking about?" Nikita asked anxious about her answer.

"You don't think that Amanda is so kind to let us have a common chat, do you?" Alex asked slowly and then "aaaaaaaaaaaa" Alex screamed

"Alex? what's wrong?" Nikita cried.

Alex gasped trying to catch her breathe again " She wants you to see me getting tortured. In this way, she can double win. We all suffer. She had enable a timer, every 5 minutes I will be electroshocked with 200volt. It's not enough to kill me, but it's enough to cause me a lot of pain or a heart attack to me after several times. I kept my promise, but I can't control the pain anymore, I would have to scream some times. So it's too much if I ask you to leave me alone and go to take a nap?" Alex said calmly.

" Noway. This is beyond imagination. How can she do that? And don't bother ask that again, there is no way that I will leave you like that" Nikita replied angrily.

"She is Amanda, Nikita. I didn't expect anything less. She wants to break me and she will try everything until I join her or die. Why Nikita do you want to make yourself suffer? Just leave." Alex said sadly

" Don't ask me that again. This is all my fault. I am the one who introduce into that world. I am sorry, Alex, I only wanted you to have a normal life" Nikita cried.

" You bitch don't you ever blame yourself again about that. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... It-It was my choice, Nikita. You saved me and you gave me a family, you gave me a reason to live for. I was never meant to have a normal life, Nicky. I am an Udinov. Can you please at least keep, Sean, away from here?" Alex said

" Yes, I can do that"

"Thanks. Michael can you please take Nikita away from here?" Alex said

" I am afraid that not." Michael said sadly. '' I am sorry"

" Then, can you please at least give her a hug from me and tell her that I will be fine. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA... please, Michael?"

" Yes. I can do that. Be strong, we will find you, Alex" Michael answered and hugged her fiance

It was a long night, with Alex's screams and Nikita's cries. But at least Alex was still alive and sooner or later Birkoff will find the source of the signal.

* * *

Alex was exhausted, ready to pass out when she heard Amanda's heels approached. She was determined not to let her win so easy, so she tried to keep her head up and put her brave mask on. Then Amanda entered the room.

" Goodmorning, Alex. Still alive?" Amanda asked coldly.

" Do I disappoint you, Amanda?" Alex replied calmly.

" Alex, this is Yuri, he is our doctor, he is going to make sure that you are not going to die any time soon. He is going to check up on you, if that is alright with you, of course" Amanda added.

" Whatever you need Amanda" Alex said and let the doctor check her health status.

" Madam, she is fine for now, but she is not going to take more shoots of electroshock today. She had already more than 100 of them and her heart is getting weaker. Unless you want to kill her today, I will suggest you to follow a different way to break her." Yuri said and left the room.

" Well, no more electroshocks for today. Let's ask your friends how they would like me to proceed. What kind of torture is going to be the next? Nikita? What do you think?" Amanda said and looked at the camera.

" I think that you are a maniac" a broken Nikita replied. "She is your niece, Amanda! You don't have a heart?"

" She is my enemy! I had a heart but she broke it into tiny pieces." Amanda replied.

" I broke your heart, Amanda? Really? This is what you say to yourself when you go to sleep. You fake your death, aunt. I cried in your funeral. I loved you so much... But you choose Division over your family and then you ordered my murder. You killed my papa and you tried to kill me, too. I broke your heart? You broke mine, Amanda" Alex said.

" Power is everything, Alex. Your father must have taught you that" Amanda said.

" You are both wrong. Power isn't everything. The ability to love, to trust, to be a member of a family is everything." Alex replied calmly. She was telling the truth, she believed every single word that she said.

" I suppose that you trust Nikita. Let's see what Nikita has caused you. Let me remind you, she is the one who killed your daddy, she is the one who gave you away, she is the reason why you were sold in sex slavery, she is the one who used you to take down division like a piece of meat, she is the one who lied to you about your dad,she is the one who kept secrets, she is the reason why you killed Tom, she is the one who failed to protect you, she is the one who didn't keep her promise to take down division and she kept it running, she is the one who shot you, she is the one who betray you, she is the one who made you suffer so many times, Alex" Amanda said "Nikita, did I forget something?"

Nikita was standing there, speechless, and let some tears fall. Amanda was right she had caused to Alex so much pain through the years.

" No, you didn't forget anything" Nikita whispered in shock.

" I have never told you that Nikita was perfect. She isn't perfect and we have our differences. And yes Amanda, she had caused me a lot of pain through the years but that doesn't change anything. I trust her and I am willing to give my life for her. So move on. You don't have to look for scratch on the surface, you are not going to find any from my side, at least." Alex replied.

" Why, Alex? Why do you protect her so much?" Amanda asked.

" I would like to keep that for myself, Amanda. I am sorry." Alex replied coldly.


	11. what happened here?

" Why, Alex? Why do you protect her so much?" Amanda asked.

" I would like to keep that for myself, Amanda. I am sorry."

* * *

" fine. I think that I know what you need. Let's see some videos together. Nikita would you like to join us. You will have to talk after that." Amanda said and started a video.

It was a video about Tom and Nikita. The first picture was Tom lying dead on the floor and then Amanda paused it there in order to enjoy the pain that it was obvious in Alex's eyes. For first time, Alex was unable to control her feelings, she turned her face away from the video and let some tears to fall.

"What's wrong, Alex? You remember Tom right? You shot him the day you helped Nikita escape" Amanda continued calmly.

" Look at him!" Amanda ordered with pleasure and turned Alex's face to the screen with her hands making sure that she was paying attention to the video.

" Don't do that to her, Amanda. Please" Nikita shouted. She knew exactly what Amanda was up to, psycological torture, her favorite one.

" I didn't do anything to her, Nikita, you did. I will show you" Amanda replied and continued the video.

It was an interview of Nikita when she was a Division agent.

_"Hi, Nikita. How the mission went?" Amanda asked_

_"Good" Nikita replied "Operation Pale Fire was a success"_

_" Did you recognise the man that you shot?"_

_" Of course. He was Nikolai Udinov."_

"She killed your father, Alex, she pulled the trigger. Why are you still loyal to her? " Amanda asked coldly and enjoyed the pain in Alex's face.

" Amanda! Stop it!" Nikita shouted.

" I don't think so Nikita, I would love to see her suffer and I think that I am getting to her, now. Let's see how loyal is to you." Amanda said and smiled to Nikita.

Alex didn't speak, she was staring at the video, she knew what Amanda was trying to do and she was really good at her job, Alex had admitted that before, but this was excruciating. She left some tears fall. But she didn't speak, she was afraid that her voice was going to reveal her pain and she didn't want to give to Amanda that pleasure.

"Let's continue" Amanda said

It was Tom again in Amanda's office.

_" Tom, what is bother you?" Amanda asked him._

_"Nothing" Tom replied avoiding eyes contact_

_" Tom, don't lie to me. Let me guess, you are in love with Alex?" Amanda said and smiled to him._

_" How? How do you know that? I- I.." he tried to say something but he couldn't._

_" I have watched, Alex, closely since the first day. I am very intersted in her. And I can see how you act around her. You act different, it's not hard to tell" Amanda replied calmly " Don't worry your secret is safe with me. Does Alex know that?"_

_" I had tried to tell her but she told something about rules and then she left. She is avoiding since then" Tom said._

_" She is right Tom. There are rules that you can't break, but I will watch your back in that case. If she wants, you can form a relationship, but if you become a liability, I will have to cancel you, Tom" Amanda said._

_"Why do you help on that, Amanda?" Tom asked nervously._

_" Because I want Alex to be happy." Amanda said and smiled._

then the scene changed. It was Alex and Amanda after Tom's death. Alex was obviously sad.

_" How do you feel, Alex? It must be hard.." Amanda asked._

_" I will be fine" Alex replied._

_" I have to ask you some things unfortunately, Alex." Amanda said and took a sit in front of Alex._

_" You have to do your job, Amanda, I understand" Alex said._

_" I know that Tom was in love with you. I need to know if you two were involved" Amanda said._

_" No. We weren't involved. You were clear about that Amanda, I remember your little story. I am not willing to break the rules and especially this one." Alex said._

_" I am glad you remember Daniel's story. Really what do you think about that? What would you have done if you were Nikita?"_

_" Well, I am not Nikita" Alex said._

_" Alex, you know what I am asking for? Don't try to avoid answering." Amanda said._

_"Fine. I understand Nikita up to a point. She fell in love. We can accusse her for that, Amanda. Nikita is a human after all. But she knew the risks. She had been warned about the danger of forming relationships. I don't agree with Division's reaction, I find it a little extreme but this is not the point. Daniel was a liability and he needed to be removed from Nikita's life somehow. Nikita knew the risks. She chose to break them and her lover paid the consequences. Daniel's blood is on Nikita's hands, not ours." Alex replied calmly._

_Amanda was staring at Alex and then she smiled in relief. The woman in front of her wasn't a next Nikita. Alex was clear. She understood the rules, she understood our point of view, Alex was the one who could bring down Nikita._

_" Very good, Alex. One more question and we are done here. Who do you blame for Tom's death, yourself, division, who?"_

_" Nikita" Alex said and stared at Amanda. " I blame Nikita. She corrupted Tom in order to take actions against Division, he made him a mole, a traitor. There is none to blame expect from her, Amanda" Alex added_

_" Do you hate her?" Amanda asked._

_" I just want her to disappear. I don't want her to destroy anymore lifes. I don't know if I hate her but I want her out of my way or I am gonna kill her" Alex said coldly._

_" We are over with the interrogation. Is anything else that you want to talk about?" Amanda asked. She was so glad about Alex's answers..._

_" No, Amanda. Thanks. Can I go, now, please? "_

_" Of course. Alex. I am sorry for Tom. " Amanda said._

_" I am sorry, too, Amanda" Alex said and left the room._

then the video ended. Alex was standing there motionless with tears in her eyes, Nikita was speechless and she was crying in Michael's hug and Amanda was just smiling.

" I think that I will let you two talk. I will come back later. " Amanda said and left the room.

For a while there was no sound but then Sean came back and he sensed the tense.

" What's wrong?" he asked. " Is everything alright?"

Then suddenly, Nikita stood up and ran out of the ops. _She hates me, she blames me for Tom's death and she blames me for Daniel. I have lost her..._nikita thought.

" What the hell has happened here?" Sean asked.


	12. she should have hated me

" Amanda happened" Alex cried "Michael, please, make her understand that I don't believe any of what I told. Please, Michael. Just bring her back here." Alex pleaded. "Sean, how are you? how is our baby girl?" Alex asked and gave him a little smile.

" We are fine. We miss you." Sean replied.

" I miss you, too" Alex said.

* * *

Michael ran after Nikita and he found her in the training area excersing her fists.

" Nikita...'' he started.

" No Michael, don't say a word. I heard enough" she said.

" Don't be silly. This is what Amanda wants. She wants you to give up on her. She wants her to suffer." Michael tried to reason her.

" You heard her Michael. She hates me. I killed her family, I made her kill Tom, I killed Daniel, I am the reason why she might die. This girl out there should hate me" Nikita shouted.

" She should, but she doesn't. This girl turned herself into her worst nightmare in order to save you. She doesn't hate you, she loves you and right now you torture her worse than Amanda. Don't give up on her, Nikita. She needs you" Michael said.

" She was honest. She believed every single word that she said in that video" Nikita cried.

" No. She didn't. She was your mole, Nikita. She lied because this is what she must have done to keep helping you. Live the lie until it becomes your life. She put her life in that hell to help you and she knew that she was going to die, she knew that but she tried to stay alive not for herself but for you, to help you get revenge" Michael said.

"Let's go back inside" he added " she needs her family".

" I destroyed her family!" Nikita yelled " I am the reason she has suffered so much pain in her life"

" She doesn't think of you like this. She loves you, Nikita. She cares about you! What the hell Nikita? what's wrong with you? She might get herself killed in order to keep you safe and you act like this. She defeated millions of time Amanda's mind games to protect you and you can't stand by her side? She might die out there with this crazy bitch and you have just turned your back to her" Michael yelled angrily.

" What am I supposed to do? Forget that all of this ever happened?" Nikita said.

" Ask her, because she has moved on. Don't do that to her right now, Nikki. You are killing her!" Michael said.

" I am sorry.." Nikita whispered and ran out of the training area

* * *

Back in ops...

"Alex, Alex! I am sorry" Nikita yelled.

" It's ok" Alex whispered but something in her voice gave her away.

"No. It isn't. Alex, I know when you lie to me." Nikita asked nerviously.

" It was too easy, Nikita. She got you too easily. You were ready to doupt about my feelings for you. Maybe she is right. " Alex replied calmly.

" What? No! No! Alex please don't do that. Yes, I admit it that she got to me too easily, but not because I don't love you or care about you, but because I can't believe that you still love me. You should have hated me, Alex, every normal person would have hated me. I have caused you so much pain and I don't understand how you can forgive me every time, how you can still care about me. I am just surprised. I am sorry, Alex. I don't deserve you." Nikita cried

" I never doubted about your love, Nikita. Never. Not even when you shot me. But when you doubt about me, that hurts, and it hurts a lot and I am getting tired of that, Nikita. I am not a normal person, don't expect normal things for me. I have my reason to love you and care about you. You are my family and that is not gonna chance, no matter what. It is time for you to forgive yourself for the past, you need to hea yourself. If you can't defeat Amanda's mind games, just tell me in order to prepare myself for the continue" Alex said.

" I am sorry, Alex. I really am. I am with you on that, Alex, all the time, no matter what" Nikita said and smiled softly.

" Did you doubt about Alex's feelings?" Sean asked in disbelief. " She loves you so much that you can even imagine it, Nikita. She is being tortured because she loves you. She might die because she loves you and you doubt about her feelings?" Sean added.

" I am sorry" Nikita whispered.

" Alex, to be honest I love Nikita, but right now, I don't really understand your request. Why I should kill you if you hurt Nikita or anyone else and not kill Nikita when she hurts you like that?" Michael asked

" MICHAEL SHUT UP! NOW" Alex yelled but it was too late.

" She asked you to do what?" Nikita and Sean asked together.


	13. I have lost this game

" MICHAEL SHUT UP! NOW" Alex yelled but it was too late.

" She asked you to do what?" Nikita and Sean asked together.

" Stupid!" Alex said angrily.

" I thought that they knew" Michael defended himself to Alex.

" No, Michael, they didn't" Alex said with anger in his voice.

" Wait, wait! What did you ask him to do exactly, Alex?" Birkoff asked in shock.

" Just let it go, guys. It's nothing." Alex said.

'Michael?" Nikita asked angrily.

"Nothing" Michael said and stared at the floor.

" Michael, you are going to tell me what she asked you to do or I will kick your ass and we will break up for good." Nikita threaten him

" Enough!" Alex said loudly and calmly. " I asked him to protect his family with any cost. I am not going to fight over this, neither you are. It's my decision to make. End of discussion."

" By killing you?" Sean and Nikita yelled together.

"If this is the only solution, then yes, I want to be eliminated. Any other questions?" Alex said

" Are you crazy?" Nikita shouted in disbelief.

" No. I am not. I will be shot on spot if I try to kill one of you and if Michael doesn't execute me, then someone else is going to do it. You are not the only one who took that order Michael, I am sorry. " Alex replied calmly. She had already made her mind and none could change her opinion. She couldn't let Amanda destroy anyone that she loves.

" That is interesting" Amanda said coldly. "You are indeed willing to give your life to protect them" Amanda said from the door. She had just entered the room and she had heard the last part of their discussion.

" I have already answered that question, Amanda". Alex said calmly.

" Then, I guess that I have already lost this game. I can't win this time, no if you have given this kind of order." Amanda pointed out. "So, I will let you go as soon as you say to me how to find Katrina, my daughter. I want to have a little chat with her, you know" Amanda said and smirked to Alex.

"No. I am sorry, Amanda. But I amn't going to give you Katrina. We are going to spend some more time together, I guess" Alex said and her features darkened.

"Ok. that's your choice. You will change your mind eventually." Amanda said and suddenly broke Alex's hand with a hammer.

Alex screamed in pain. Amanda laughed and continued crashing Alex's hand with the hammer.

" Now. Where is Katrina?" Amanda asked coldly. She had made her point clear. She was willing to torture out the location of her daughter.

"Screw you!" Alex cried.

Amanda smiled and then she took out the gun and shot Alex's leg. Alex screamed again.

" Amanda! Stop it!" Nikita yelled at her. "You are going to kill her" she cried.

" She will tell me what I need to know" Amanda replied. And she put her hand on the gun wound and pressed it down in order to cause more pain. Alex screamed again.

" Birkoff do something" Nikita whispered, she couldn't watch Alex being tortured like that. But she had to admit that Alex's tolerance on pain was unbelievable. If she was in Alex's position, she would have passed out a long time ago.

" Alex. You know that I can do that again and again. Just answer my question" Amanda said coldly.

Alex was trying to catch her breath and looked up at Amanda and replied "No" then she had another pain attack.

Amanda had taken a small knife and cut Alex's collarbone.

"Don't play games with me, Alex" Amanda yelled.. "Where is Katrina?" Amanda asked and slapped Alex with her gun.

Alex whispered "Never" and then she passed out because of the pain and the blood loss.


	14. torturing

" Good to see you awake again" Amanda said as soon as she noticed Alex regaining consciousness.

" Glad to be back" Alex replied sarcastically still too weak to face Amanda. She used all her power to lift her head and face her captor.

" Do you want a drink? Whisky 1867. Really good." Amanda said and filled a glass with the liquid.

" Come on, Alex. I don't like to drink alone" Amanda added when Alex didn't reply. Alex was trying to figure out what type of game Amanda played this time when she was brought out of her thoughts.

" I think that you do. Let me serve you" Amanda said and walked towards Alex and stood in front of her. An evil grin was formed on her face when Alex realised what Amanda was up to. Before she could ever make a sound, Alex let a horrible scream of pain to escape her mouth and she was left groaning and screaming from the pain tied up in a chair.

" You wasted a such a bottle of whisky just to torture me?" Alex gasped trying to ignore the excruciating burn that was crossing her body from her gunshot wound. Amanda had poured the alchocol on Alex's opened wound.

" I told you that I don't like to drink alone" Amanda said coldly as ice.

" Tell me where Katrina is. Don't make me ask you again, Alexandra. I don't like torturing my niece" Amanda asked threateningrily.

" Ooh, now I am your niece. Aunt Alicia or Amanda or however you want me to call you, I will spare you some time talking. I am not giving you Katrina" Alex said firmly.

Amanda placed a hand to Alex's chair and with the other titled Alex's head back from the hair so that the younger girl could face her. She looked directly into Alex's blue eyes.

" Why?" she asked softly and she placed her hand on Alex's crashed hand menacingly. She had made herself clear, answer my question or I will cause you more pain.

Alex didn't turn her gaze away. She was prepared for the pain and she decided to reply honestly.

" Because she doesn't want to meet you and because you are a sadistic bitch that she isn't going to hesitate to kill her daughter. I have to protect her from you" Alex said.

" Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" Alex screamed as Amanda made her threat a reality and pressed Alex's crashed hand.

" That is exactly what I am talking about" Alex mentioned when she caught her breathe back.

" How do you know what she wants and what not?" Amanda asked coldly.

" I have asked her" Alex said hesitantly, not knowing how Amanda was going to react in that statement.

" Explain" Amanda asked and walked to a table, where she had placed her torturing tools.

" When I found her, she was in shock. She was mad at me for letting her think that I was dead but when I explained to her what have happened, she forgave me. One day she told me that she thought that she had seen you in a cafetteria. She was upset. She had already found out that someone who had considered dead was alive and she doubted everything. I didn't know what to tell her...So I asked her if she wanted that to be true. If she wanted you to be alive" Alex said and paused.

" Continue" Amanda ordered.

" She told me that if you were alive, she didn't want to know it or meet you. She didn't want to hate you. She didn't want to find out that for any reason, you were able to leave her behind. For Katrina, her mother died. She was an innocent, kind, caring woman, who loved her daughter." Alex said and took a deep breathe.

" I asked her if she wanted me to look into that. She didn't want to and she asked me to keep away from her this spy life. Her mother died when she was a teenager" Alex finished.

" Well, she may doesn't want to speak to me but I want" Amanda said coldly and took a sit opposite to Alex.

" And what are you going to tell her, Amanda? and what if she doesn't want to hear you and fight for that,are you going to drug her, punch her, capture her?...she is your daughter. You took her mother away from her, respect at least that she doesn't want you back in her life" Alex tried to reason Alex.

" She will listen to me no matter what and you are going to tell me where to find her" Amanda said and took a small tool in her hands. She started ripping Alex's nails one by one from her right hand and she let evil laughs fill the room as Alex screamed in pain.

" Don't be silly, Alex. Save your life. Tell me what I want" Amanda asked coldly.

" You are a maniac" Alex stated and didn't say anything else.

" As you wish. Let me introduce you to my new toy" Amanda said and picked up a diver's mask.

" It looks like a diver's mask but it isn't. As long as I put that in your head, water will replace the air and you will suffocate unless I release you" Amanda explained and stood behind Alex, grabbing her head in a painful grip so that she isn't going to struggle.

" Do you really want to try it?" Amanda asked on last time and placed the mask on Alex's face. She stood there watching as Alex was fighting to breathe, her lunges screaming for oxygen. When Alex was ready to pass out, she took off the mask. Alex started coughing trying to breathe properly.

" Do you want to try again? Where is Katrina?" Amanda asked again Alex was able to breathe again.

" You will have to kill me first" Alex said firmly.

Amanda repeated the procedure for about 6 times. She was getting really mad at Alex.

" You are stupid" Amanda stated. She took out a lighter and placed it in front of Alex's eyes. She watched as Alex tried to overpower an upcoming panic attack. She had hit Alex's weak spot. Fire. Amanda smiled and she lighted a fire.

" You were supposed to die in that fire, Alex. If you don't tell me where Katrina is, I will make it sure that you will burn alive in another fire. I will burn you little by little causing you excruciating pain and went I am done, I will set you on fire. Take my offer, tell me where my daughter is and I will let you go. If I ask you one more time, there isn't a way back. You have one hour to make your mind" Amanda said coldly and slammed Alex's face.

" Yuri! Take care of her. I am not done yet with her. I will be back in one hour" Amanda said and left the room.

* * *

Back at division...

" Nikki! We have her location" Birkoff yelled taking Nikita out of her sickness from seeing Alex like that...


	15. rescue mission

" Nikita. We have her location" Birkoff shouted.

"What? Where?" Nikita asked in relief.

" 3 km from here. In a warehouse" Birkoff said " I will send the coordinates in your smartphone, go"

Nikita turned to leave but Michael's hand stopped her.

" No, Nikita. You are not going to go anywhere. Alex asked me to keep you and Sean safe no matter what. I will go rescue her and you are going to join Sean and play with their little girl" Michael ordered.

" What? You can't be serious?" Nikita said in disbelief.

" Yes. I am. You are going to stay here and let me do my job. I will bring Alex back. Respect her wish, Nikita"

" No way" Nikita said firmly.

" Nikita, this is our only shot. I am not going to let you out there. You are going to be responsible if something happens to Alex" Michael replied seriously knoing that he played a ouchy card

" You will bring her back safe or I am gonna kick your ass" Nikita threaten and went to find Sean.

* * *

Awhile later...

"Birkoff I want eyes inside" Michael asked in a low voice.

" It's done, Michael. You are clear. In the house there are only Alex and the doctor. But when you enter the house we will have to turn into radio silence. I won't be able to warn if something happens so be fast" Birkoff said.

Everyone were watching at the screen in the ops.

Michael entered the house. He tried to be really fast and unnoticable. Then she heard Alex's screams. The doctor was trying to take out the bullet of her leg without anaesthitic. Michael followed the screams and entered the room. Instantly, he shot the doctor and headed to Alex's body.

"Oh. .No" Birkoff shouted.

" What's wrong?" Nikita asked worried.

"Amanda, she is coming back and I can't warn them. Crap" Birkoff yelled. "Michael just get out of there"

" We can't inform them through Amanda's camera" Sean asked nervously.

"No that bitch cut our communication with Alex. We only have visual contact" Birkoff cried.

" Alex? Are you ok?" Michael asked while he untied her and left his gun on the table near to her.

" yes. I am fine. Let's go out..." Alex said and then her face became dark.

Like a slow motion she saw Amanda pulling out her gun and pointed to Michael's back. Suddenly, she grabbed Michael's gun from the table and she stood up, she put herself in front of Michael like a shield and the two women pulled the trigger at the same time. Amanda's bullet found Alex's right arm and Alex's bullet killed Amanda on spot. Then while Michael was yelling her name, she collapsed.

"Alex?" Sean said in a grave voice. He was ready to cry.

Michael took Alex's body and took her out of the house in the Division's van.

"Birkoffffffff!" He shouted when he got a signal. " I need the medical team ready for Alex. She has a really weak heart beat." Michael cried

He was driving like a maniac. In 2 minutes he was back in Division and walked Alex's body in the operation theatre.

" Sir. We need you to stay outside. We will do our best" the doctor said and ran back to Alex.

* * *

The whole team was standing anxious outside Alex's room and waited for the doctor to inform them.

" We did what we could." the doctor said.

" Her damage is really serious and her heart weak. She had two gunshots, some broken ribs, a crashed hand, infection in her fingers where Amanda ripped her nails off, fever, and it is obvious that she had been beaten up and was tortured. If she goes through that night she is going to be ok. But I have to be honest with you, the statistics aren't with her right now. I will be surprised if she gets through this" the doctor said sadly.

" She is a survivor. She will come back to us" Nikita cried.


	16. charge! clear!

" can we see her?" Sean asked trying to hold himself together. His love, his life, the mother of his child was lying on a medical bed dying slowly. She looked so peaceful, despite all the bruises and the cuts and the bandages, she looked like an angel.

" Yes. You can see her. I will be nearby and the nurses are in high alert. We will try to keep her safe" the doctor said and he opened the door to Alex's room in order for the team to get in. Sean ran and sat to the right side of Alex, carefully he placed his hand over Alex's crashed palm, Nikita ran to Alex's left side and she stood there frozen for a while looking at Alex's beaten up body, Michael was standing right behind Nikita, Birkoff, Sonya, Ryan and Owen took a sit next to Alex's legs.

Sean was whispering something in Alex's ears when suddenly nurses ran into the room. He lifted his head and saw that Alex's heart had stopped beeping. Sonya, Ryan, Owen and Birkoff left the room to make space for the nurses to do their best while Sean, Nikita and Michael left Alex's side. They all watched with fear and horror in their eyes the process.

" Charge! Clear" someone was yelling.

" again" someone else replied

" charge! clear" the other man repeated

" Again" another replied.

" One last time. Raise the volt. Full charge. Clear" the doctor said.

" Time of death 4.27" a young woman announced. The nurses left the room and the doctor turned his attention to the time.

" I am really sorry. We did everything we could. Her injuries... I am sorry" he said honestly and left the room.

" Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo" Sean screamed in pain and he felt on his knees. He started crying and sobbing.

" Noooooooooooo! Noooo! Alex please ! Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" he kept screaming until two strong arms grabbed from behind and lead him out of the room.

" She is dead" Sean choped

" I am sorry man" Owen replied with tears in his own eyes.

" She is dead" Sean repeated and he left himself being buried into Birkoff's and Owen's hug. All the three of them crying. Sonya had left crying towards Alex's room. She couldn't stand the view of Alex's lifeless body.

Nikita was still frozen inside Alex's room. Slowly he walked towards Alex's body. She took Alex's hands in her and she started crying.

" Alex" she breathed " Please. You aren't dead. Please. Come back to me. I have so many things to tell you that I haven't the courage to do. I have to tell you that I love you so much, that you are the reason why I am still alive and capable to love again, I have to tell you that I am sorry for killing your father I' ve never told you that, I have to tell you that I love you as my daughter, sister, best friend. Please Alex!" Nikita cried.

" ALEX! DON'T YOU DARE DIE ON ME. NOT TODAY" she screamed and landed her fists into Alex's chest again and again, then she turned angrily to Michael.

" You said that you will protect her!" she screamed at him and started to punch him angrily.

" You promised that you will bring her back home safe and sound" she continue

" I AM SORRY! I LOVE HER TOO! I AM SORRY" Michael cried loudly.

" You let her take a bullet for you, when she was already dying!" Nikita yelled again.

" Nikita..." Nikita heard a weak whisper hardly audible and she froze.

" Don't yell at him" she heard someone's voice.

" Alex?" she asked in surprise and she turned instantly her face.

" Alex" she screamed in shock when she saw Alex's semi-opened eyes.

" You are alive?" Nikita screamed.

" Doctoooooooooooooooooooooooor? She is alive!" Michael screamed. And the doctor entered the room running followed by the others.

" Everybody out now" the doctor yelled and everyone obeyed instantly.

" I am going to find Sonya" Birkoff screamed happily. " We will be right back" he added

" Hi, Alex. Are you ok?" the doctor asked and examined Alex's status.

" Are they ok?" Alex asked in reply.

" They are fine. Just scared to death. We lost you for awhile. What happened?" the doctor asked softly with a big smile in his face.

" After you stopped shocking me, I heard something that was similiar to Sean's broken voice and I knew that I couldn't leave him, then I heard Nikita's voice and I was certain that I had to fight for them. Then when Nikita started punching my chest, I wanted to scream from the pain and I forced myself to come around because I was afraid that she was going to kill me once more" Alex said and forced a small smile.

" At least you are here. I am glad for you" the doctor said.

" Doctor are you sure that they are all fine?" Alex asked one more.

" certain" he said in reply.

" If I pass out, are you going to make sure that Nikita isn't going to break my unbroken ribs, please?" Alex asked seriously.

" Of course" the doctor said and Alex left the unconciousness to take over her again.

The doctor laughed loudly and left the room.

" She is fine" the doctor announced and everyone started crying in relief and happiness.

" How?" Sean asked in shock.

" She fought the death for you and you" the doctor said and looked towards Sean and Nikita.

" She must love you really much. You are a lucky man, Sean and you are a lucky woman, Nikita. And you are all lucky because even if she is under unbelievable pain her first question was if EVERYONE was alive" he said

" Can we see her?" Nikita whispered.

" The others sure, you are a different case" he said smiling.

" Ehhh?" Michael said confused.

" Alex asked me to make sure that Nikita isn't going to break her unbroken ribs before she passed out." the doctor said and everyone brust into laughs.

" Is it safe to let you go inside? I don't want to piss Alex off. She fought Death, I don't want to know what she is going to do to me" the doctor said sarcastically.

" I promise that I will behave" Nikita said shyly.

" Then you can all go and be there for her. You have my permission" he said and smiled when the group entered the room.


	17. name

After several hours the team decided to give Alex some space and they left Alex's room. They were talking and laughing and playing with the baby girl. Suddenly, they noticed that Alex was out of her bed, resting herself on the wall, trying to keep her balance with a small smile in her face.

" What are you doing here? You should be resting!" Nikita shouted and ran to help Alex.

" I had to make sure that you were all fine" she said and let Nikita walk her back to her bed.

" It's over, Alex. Amanda is gone. It's over" Nikita said and smiled.

" It's never going to be over" Alex said and closed her eyes.

" Alex?" Nikita asked in disbelief

" Come in Sean, don't stand in the door." Alex pleaded.

" Mommy is here, baby girl!" Sean said happily to his daughter and walked towards Alex.

" Nikita, can you please give us a few minutes?" Alex pleaded hesitantly.

"Of course" Nikita said and left the room.

Sean sat down near to her wife passing her their baby.

"Are you ok?" Sean asked worried

"I am fine. I am sorry, Sean. I am sorry." Alex cried

" It's ok, Alex. You are here now." Sean said and he kissed her softly.

" Sean, can we please find a name for our girl. Please?" Alex said

"Of course what do you have in mind?" Sean asked

" I don't know but I would like her to be as strong as Nikita and Michael. I don't want her to have the heritage of my family." Alex replied

" Yes. I don't want her to have my mother's heritage neither." Sean added "What about Michelle Nicky Pierce?" Sean asked.

"It's great. But we have to take their permission first" Alex said.

"Wait a minute. I am back." Sean ran out of the room.

" Michael, Nikita I need to ask you something" Sean said calmly.

"What?" Nikita said.

"Your permission." Sean replied.

"For what?" Michael asked confused

" To name our daughter Michelle Nicky Pierce" Sean said and smiled.

" Are you sure? You don't want to call her from your parents?" Michael asked.

" We don't want her to have our families' heritage and you are our family after all. You have no idea how much Alex loves you and it will be our honor to name our child from your names" Sean replied calmly

" Of course. You don't have to ask." Nikita said and hugged Michael.

" Thank you, guys! Michelle Nicky Pierce! I have already loved the sound of this name" Sean said and went back to his wife laughing loudly.


	18. we are family

Three weeks later...

" Alex? Can we talk, please?" Nikita asked and walked towards Alex.

"Sure." Alex said and slipped down to the wall behind her. Nikita followed her example.

"What do you want to talk about? " Alex asked worried. The last weeks Nikita avoided Alex and Alex didn't want to push her.

"I am sorry, Alex. I am really sorry for letting Amanda to get inside my head" Nikita apologized honestly.

"It's ok.'' Alex replied calmly.

"No. It isn't ok." Nikita said " I have hurt you so many times and you still are by my side. I don't deserve you. You gave your life to save me and I gave up on you in a couple of hours. It's not ok." Nikita cried.

" Nikita. I understand. This is what Amanda is good at. Don't worry. Yes, you have hurt me many times and I have done so, too. You are family, Nikita. I don't care if you think that you deserve me or not. I am the one who don't deserve any of you. No matter what, you are my family and you are stuck with me for an eternity, you like it or not." Alex said.

" Alex, no. I don't deserve your forgiveness. How can you just forget everything that I have done to you and always be here?" Nikita asked.

" There is nothing that you have done to me, Nikita, than helping me" Alex said softly.

" Helping you? I have killed your papa in front of you, I trusted the wrong person and you were sold in the black market because of that, I have lied to you, I have betrayed your trust, I have broken your arm, I have shot you in the leg, I put you inside Division, I fed you to Amanda, I didn't notice when you relapsed, you took a bullet for me and I wasn't there when you needed the most, I have given up on you, I let you die" Nikita whispered sadly.

" So many? Oh!" Alex said sarcastically.

" Alex, I am serious" Nikita said seriously.

" Fine. Stop beating yourself up. I wasn't a sex slave because of you, I didn't enter Division because of you but I survived thanks to you, you did lie to me, break my hand and shoot me. You did betray my trust but you never betrayed my love, you didn't have to notice that I relapsed, it was my fault. But even if I blamed you for all of this, I have forgiven you, Nikita, for everything, for killing my father, for lying to me, for shooting me. You have to forgive yourself, Nikita. You have to start healing your soul" Alex said softly and squeezed Nikita's hand.

" You should have hated me!" Nikita said angrily and took her hand away from Alex.

" Do you want me to hate you?" Alex asked seriously and stared at Nikita's eyes.

" Yes" Nikita whispered and looked away.

" Look at me and tell me that you want me to hate you" Alex ordered.

" Alex.." Nikita started and looked at Alex.

" No. Look at me and tell me that you want me to hate you, Nikita. Now" Alex repeated seriously.

" I want you to hate me. You should have hated me" Nikita said firmly and looked at Alex, letting some tears to fall.

" You want me to hate you because that will make the things easier for you. If I hate you, you can continue hating yourself" Alex replied seriously.

" I have evil inside me Alex. I am a monster. I don't deserve your love" Nikita replied calmly.

" You are not a monster" Alex said firmly.

" I killed your father in front of you, I lied to you, I shot you. You are the one who can recognise me for what I truly am" Nikita exclaimed.

" Nikita. You aren't a monster. We all have evil inside us. It is in our human nature, but you control it and you don't let it to beat you. You are kind and caring and sweet and I recongise you as the best and strongest person than I have ever met. I can't hate you, Nikita. I am sorry. But I can. I love you so much, always and forever, no matter what. Please forgive yourself. I love you" Alex said softly.

" I love you, Alex. I love you too much." Nikita said.

" Can I ask you something? In your letter you wrote that you were sorry, for what, Alex?" Nikita asked

" I didn't know what I should write to you. You have spent so many time trying to protect me and Amanda got me alive? I could comfort Sean and Michael and Birkoff. Sean has our daughter, Michael has you, Birkoff has Sonya. But you are a special situation. You have all of us and none at the same time. You are here when we need you but it's difficult to you to come to us when you need help and if anyone of us get himself in trouble you are blind. None can't get you or reason you so I was sorry for harming you. I know you too well, Nikita" Alex said and smiled.

" You can get me." Nikita said softly.

" but I wasn't here, remember, you were worried about me and I was really worry about you" Alex said " You see, I love you, Sensei"

" What do you mean when you said that it's not over?" Nikita asked slowly and noticed Alex's face become darker.

" Interrogation?" Alex said and laughed.

" Alex, I am just worried" Nikita replied.

" It's not over, Nikita. Amanda was a target, a really hard, the one that destroyed your life. Unfortunately, my life was destroyed a long time before I met Amanda and these ghosts of my past have returned. The last gift from Amanda. She did something, I don't know what, but the memories of everything are haunting me. She also informed my ex-employers that their little bitch is still alive and they want to make me an example that none can escape this life. The ghosts of my past are back to haunt me again and take me down. They aren't going to stop, Nikita and I-I... don't know if I can get through this. I don't know if I am strong enough to fight my memories, my guilt, my regrets. To fight my past without losing myself once again. I am scared, Nikita." Alex said and looked away from Nikita.

"No matter what is coming, Alex, we are going to face it together, like a family. I will be by your side till death do us apart, baby girl" Nikita said and hugged Alex.

"We are family!" Alex whispered and let herself relax into Nikita's hug.

**End...**

**I would like to thank you all for supporting my first try to write a fanfiction. I am really glad that you liked my story and thanks for all of your reviews and comments, they helped me a lot and encouraged me to continue. See you soon with more stories... :***


End file.
